Mary and I haven't seen each other since she ventured to LA a few years ago. (Oh, and did we have a great time! Not only did we go to Giant Robot and Amoeba, but Mary almost got in trouble for trying to light up inside the Ruby for Beat It *AND* she witnessed Angelyne saunter right into Transmission at the Parlour with a very young man.) Regardless, we still write to each other frequently and continue to pimp each other's writing. Mary is one of the best writers you will ever have the pleasure of reading (perhaps, you have read her posts on this blog). I can't wait until the day I see her on the best seller list and maybe she will let me open up for her on a book tour. Now, I present to you, an interview with Mary, which remains exclusive to the PDP.

1. Maine v. New York. Who wins?

You mean in terms of daily life on a long-term basis? If so, Maine wins, or more generally, smaller towns closer to nature win. I want to live someplace quieter and cheaper, with more trees and fields and streams – but I'll always be happy to come back to New York for visits. Always. Let's run around and stay out late. For a week. Then go home.

2. You have a distinct interest in Polish culture. What about said culture would you like to show others?

Here's a story. I was taking a train from Germany to Warsaw, where I was supposed to take a connecting train to Krakow. The train broke down in Germany, in this field by a dairy farm, and the cranky German conductors made everyone get off the train and stand by the tracks while the cows sniffed at our luggage. I couldn't find anyone who spoke English or even French. Finally this girl who'd been sitting in my car asked me something in Polish, and I said thank you because that was the only Polish I remembered, and it turned out that she spoke a smattering of English.

So she found a Polish businessman who spoke some German, and he translated the German train announcements into Polish and she translated them into English for me, and after hours of delay and different trains we made it to Warsaw, where I had missed my train to Krakow. The next – and last – train would be at midnight. And this girl, she waited with me in the station for two hours to make sure I got the right train, and she gave me the number at her house in Warsaw so if anything happened before I got to Krakow I could call and she'd have her father come get me in his car, and if necessary I could stay with them until the morning when there would be more trains. Then she bought me coffee, and when the Krakow train came she told the conductors to put me in a better seat because I'd had such a difficult journey, and then the Polish conductors looked concerned and brought me to a private car, where they served me sandwiches and juice, and I didn't have to pay for them. And that's the thing you should understand about Polish people.

3. Why are you a writer people should read?

I keep it clean. No bad words. Refuge from the filth, right here.

4. What is the top lesson learned in grad school?

You don't have to go to grad school to be a good writer. Hey kids, I just saved you $100,000! Yeah, you're welcome.

5. Are zines better than blogs?

Yes. Unequivocally yes. Zines smelled like cheap xerox and the internet smells like... a computer. Which is sad. The internet never leaves mysterious smudges on your fingers. The internet never comes with stickers on it, or a handwritten note taped inside. You can't fold the internet up and put it in a pocket and lose it and then find it again four months later.

6. What record best reflects Mary as a person?

A busted homemade cassette of Mountain Goats songs. And then, at the very end of the second side, Eddie Rabbitt singing "I Love a Rainy Night."