Why must good DJs play at terrible clubs? For example, last night we went to Avaland to see Danny Howells. Excellent DJ. Really shitty club. Howells played in a DJ booth designed to be a pirate ship.


That was cool. They even had fans behind the sails to make them blow. There were guys in the crowd dressed as buccaneers. Totally cool. Then there were the girls who looked like pornstars dancing badly onstage. So not cool.

The worst thing about Avaland though, is the crowd. In fact, I don't know why we ever come back to this place because the crowd is always so terrifying that we end up having a rotten time no matter who is spinning. Last night was no exception. Carlos and I were dancing towards the front with Juan and one of his friends when all of a sudden, we were hit by the pungent smell of death. Earlier that day, my brother and I were watching the soccer games and cracking jokes about the repugnant stench of locker rooms. This might have been worse. It makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with people. It was 114 degrees outside that afternoon, they had to have had some sort of warning sign that perhaps it would do them well to take a shower before going to a club that holds 2000 people and is always packed. I swear, one of these days I'm going to work up a marketing deal with some deodorant company and pass out trial sticks at the doors of random clubs in Los Angeles.
As the stench became more oppressive and less avoidable, Carlos and I headed upstairs to the patio, where some dude proceeds to walk into me and say "Fuck you." I wanted to ask if he kisses his grandma with that mouth of his. I mean, I can be pretty foul-mouthed at times, but the thought of saying "fuck you" instead of "excuse me" when I walk into someone is sort of baffling. Dude was pretty trashed and looked like he is probably a jackass when sober as well. He was dressed as though he came straight from the 4th of July Weekend sale at the Glendale Macy's-- head-to-toe Sean John with gold-rimmed sunglasses. Most of the guys on the patio were wearing the same thing. It looked like a casting call for The Sopranos.
It will be a cold July day in Los Angeles before I ever got back to Avaland.