"Have you ever heard the term 'Valley Trash,'" Harold asks from across the booth at Scotland Yard.
"Yeah," I answered.
"I never heard it before until a friend of mine from Santa Monica said it," he answered.
"Oh, yeah, people on the Westside say it all the time. I almost decked a guy at a party once for making Valley Trash comments to me."
The irony of Los Angeles is that while it is considered rude to make comments about certain neighborhoods over the hill, it is never considered rude to mock the Valley. We're the porn capital of the country, a place where kids do nothing but hang out in parking lots smoking bongloads all day whilst listening to Metallica blaring from late-1960s/early-1970s muscle cars, where kids move up by ditching jobs in the mall for gigs at Bob's Classy Lady. Total trash, the rest of the city will say straight to our faces. A completely separate city, publications like the Weekly and the Times will imply, despite the fact that we vote for the same mayor. In the most technical sense, we're more L.A. than Santa Monica, Beverly Hills and West Hollywood, but try to find somebody who will acknowledge that little fact.
I'll defend my home turf to the end, but the truth is that I try to avoid hanging out in the Valley at all costs. I avoid nights in the 818 for the same reason that I will not attend my ten-year high school reunion this fall. If I go out in the Valley, even if it is just running to mall for a pair of new Chucks, chances are I will run into at least one person I knew in my youth. Nine times out of ten, it will be someone I cannot stand. Even Friday night at Scotland Yard, I could have sworn I saw this peabrained prick that picked on my friends back in 1995. I did my best to avoid any sort of eye contact with him.
As much as I dislike spending a night out in my own area code, I really like Scotland Yard. I first ventured inside the Canoga Park pub a few years ago with my friend Courtney, one of the few people that I did like back in high school (which is why we still keep in touch). The first thing that I noticed was that the jukebox hosted cds from Primal Scream and Bjork. Then we noticed Cowboy Bob, a regular who looked like Cotton Hill and told us a story about a rodeo incident that resulted in the injury of his, er, equipment.
Last Friday night, Cowboy Bob was not inside the bar, nor was the jukebox operating. However, I still had a good time. A DJ with thick-framed glasses played funk and hip-hop ranging from De La Soul to Latyrx before midnight, when he switched to the pub classics. When he busted out Rick James' song "Mary Jane," the entire crowd screamed off-key lyrics as they raised their arms in the air. I have a feeling that this is the unofficial anthem of the Valley.
What I like best about Scotland Yard is the crowd. I almost felt overdressed when I looked towards the floor and realized that I was one of very few people not wearing flip-flops. The whole time I thought, "Flip-flops! What if someone drops a pint of Guinness?" Scotland Yard is home to the most random crowd I have ever seen. In addition to the standard LA-style club crowd of indies and jocks, I noticed some of the following: 1) Guy with tons of hair and a completely unironic Dio 2002 Tour t-shirt; 2) Old Dude with Grizzly Adams beard; 3)Alan Partridge lookalikes that must be actual Brits; 4) Girl whose friends suck for not telling her that a white miniskirt and white halter top with white socks and black go go boots is just wrong; 5) Girl whose friends should have told her not to have "Rogelio" tattooed on her shoulder if she might ever find herself in a bar wearing a tube top and satin pants trying to pick up. It is one of those spaces perfect for people-watching while growing more intoxicated by the minute.
On the ride home, Harold tells Kid C., who is our designated sucker and the only person in the car who did not grow up in the Valley, not to make eye contact with anyone when stuck at a red light on Sherman Way.
"They might want to race you," he laughs.
Our streets are wide and notoriously empty after 10:00 p.m. Everyone has some story about an unexpected drag race challenge or, in my case, getting chased all the way to the police station because your idiot friend in the passenger seat gives the finger to the guy who cuts off your car. It's a Valley thing.

Congratulations to Alex and Jean-Claude. These are the two folks who won our two PDP trivia challenges. Here are the answers, if you are curious.

For The Young Ones Challenge:
1. Rik played "Things That Dreams Are Made Of" off of Dare, thus causing the cops to bust the boys' hi-fi.
2. Christopher Ryan went on to play Eddie's first husband, Marshall, on Absolutely Fabulous.
3. Neneh Cherry's old band, Rip Rig and Panic, appeared on the episode titled "Interesting."
4. Madness played on The Young Ones twice.
5. At the end of the last episode of series two, the boys went over a cliff in a double-decker bus.

For the 80s Music Challenge:
1. James was a favorite of Morrissey. It is said that he wrote "We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful" after they hit it big in the UK. However, this was before they edged into the US pop charts in 1993 with "Laid."
2. Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden is known for his catchphrase, "Scream for me." It's also the URL for his website.
3. Bobby Gillespie drummed for the Jesus and Mary Chain before Primal Scream.
4. Some might say that the Scorpions brought down the Berlin Wall with 1990's hit "Wind of Change."
5. Radio and TV host Jools Holland was indeed a member of Squeeze.
6. Sir Bob Geldof was knighted for his work on Live Aid and "Do They Know It's Christmas."
7. Before her untimely death a few years ago, Ofra Haza was Kylie-huge in most of the world. Back in the late-80s, she made a bit of a mark in the U.S. after being sampled on "Paid in Full."
8. Bobby Orlando, aka Bobby O., produced the original (and my favorite) version of West End Girls.
9. Grandmaster Flash may be best associated with "White Lines" and "The Message," but it was Melle Mel who provided the rhymes.
10. After ditching Human League, Martyn Ware went on to form Heaven 17.

Since we're doing a very special 1980s throwback edition of Discourse, I felt compelled to make a little 80s music trivia game.
This is going to work like Jeopardy. Answer these in the form of a question in the comments section. Post your email address so that we can contact you. First person to answer everything correctly gets on the guest list for Discourse with a +1. Have fun.
1. Championed by Morrissey as early as the 1980s, this Manchester band did not earn it's only U.S. hit until 1993.
2. This heavy metal warrior's battle cry is "Scream for Me."
3. Bobby Gillespie drummed for this band before forming Primal Scream.
4. By the 1980s, this was one of the most successful bands to emerge from continental Europe, but it wasn't until 1990 that the group received historical significance when its hit song "Wind of Change" became the unofficial anthem of the fall of the Berlin Wall.
5. Now a successful radio and television host in the U.K., this man began his career as a member of Squeeze.
6. This man was knighted and nominated for a Nobel prize after organizing the charity single "Do They Know It's Christmas" and the benefit show Live Aid.
7. This now-deceased Middle Eastern superstar was sampled on Eric B. and Rakim's "Paid in Full."
8. He produced the original version of Pet Shop Boys' hit single "West End Girls."
9. He provided the raps for "The Message" and "White Lines."
10. After leaving Human League, Martyn Ware formed this band.

Today is PDP-contributor/Discourse DJ Kid C.'s birthday. In honor of that, I put together a little trivia quiz based on his favorite show, The Young Ones. The first person to answer all of the questions correctly will get on the guestlist for Discourse with a plus one. Next party is 6/26/05 @ The Parlour (7702 Santa Monica Blvd.). It's 21+ and there is a $5 cover.

Now for the questions:

1) Which Human League record caused the police to charge into the house and break the boys' turntable?

2) Christopher Ryan (Mike) went on to play which character on Absolutely Fabulous?

3) Neneh Cherry made an appearance on which episode of The Young Ones?

4) How many times did Madness play on The Young Ones?

5) What happened to the boys in the last episode of the second series?

Make sure you leave your email address so that we can contact you. Post answers in the comment section.

According to a press release unleashed last night (actually, this afternoon, German time), Depeche Mode will embark on its first tour in five years in support of a brand new album (word is the album is the band's darkest since Black Celebration). The tour will hit the States this fall, but dates have not yet been released for North America.
Depeche Mode is one of only a small handful of bands that I have managed to miss on every single tour (let's say, since 1988). I will be at this one even if it means that I have to claw people to get in front of the line at Robinson's May at 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

Those of you who know me pretty well know that I read every issue of Giant Robot with the sort of intensity that I had reserved only for Sassy back in high school. I picked up the new issue yesterday and have just about finished reading every article. That said, I would like to direct PDP readers to the series of interviews with Chinese Jamaicans involved in the development of reggae and dub. As someone who knows jack shit about ska, reggae, dub, et.al., I found the pieces on these producers (Clive Chin, Herman Chin-Loy, Leonard Chin and Jo Jo Hookim, respectively) to be easy-to-follow and incredibly informative. Put this on your suggested reading list.
BTW, the folks in NYC may be interested in knowing that Giant Robot is opening a store in your 'hood one week from Saturday.

There are people who say that the mash-up is no longer cool and has not been cool for about two or three years. Perhaps these people are right. More likely, though, they have not heard KLF slicing through Motorhead like so.

Klaus Nomi sang opera as people thought it should not be sung, just as he sang pop as people thought it should not be sung. He was an outsider who became an insider through New York's late-1970s/early-1980s art scene. Just when it appeared that Nomi might move from New York hipster to international hipster, he succombed to a new and mysterious disease without any of the hangers-on by his side.
The Nomi Song was released on DVD yestereday. If you have not seen this documentary, rent it.

It's summer and you want to get laid. What do you play in the background? I suggest this one from Tosca, particularly if you get your hands on the Sun Ra remix of "Heidi Bruhl."

According to an XL, the single for "U Don't Know Me" from Basement Jaxx is out today. Well, if you're in England, at least. The track features Lisa Kekaula of The Bellrays (and the best singer in L.A., imho) on vocals. Kekaula also appeared on "Good Luck" from Basement Jaxx's last album and managed to make shivers go up my spine when she performed it live at Coachella 2004. You can watch the video here. It will make you giggle.