First things first, this is perhaps the most true-to-life commercial you will ever see. Thanks to Comrade Anthony for the link.
Sometime after another synth-punk or post-post-punk or whatever band played at Underground last night, I ran into Comrade Robert. He started talking about Audion and I mentioned some Tiefschwarz stuff and somehow we got onto the subject of You Could Do So Much Better...With Franz Ferdinand, one of my two favorite albums of the year. (Bands: You have six weeks to blow our minds, three if you want to end up on the end-of-the-year-lists.) I told him how I get annoyed with the vast majority of supposed dance-rock bands, as if such a hybrid should even exist on account of the fact that rock music made people dance very early on in its career. I thought that maybe my dismay was the result of an unusual amount of bands intended to make us dance employing subpar drummers. Then I read the interview with FF in Urb and all of a sudden, it made sense.
To summarize, Alex Kapranos said that the difference between FF and other dance-rock bands is that many other bands rely on the technology of dance music without going into the structure. On the other hand, Kapranos tells journalist Andrew Parks that FF tries to "use other instruments to do what a synthesizer would do in a dance track. Like we'll use the bass or guitar to work out something similar to the synth in 'I Feel Love'" (Urb. September, 2005. p. 81).
Another problem I find with dance-rock is the lack of good songwriting. Dance music focuses heavily on rhythm, but the strongest tracks, the ones that become bonafide hits (both at clubs and the crossover arena) are well-structured pop songs. Consider Daft Punk's "Da Funk," which remains a party favorite nearly ten years after its release. The song is intrumental, yet it follows the pop song format. There is a hook that catches on the back of your scarf and forces you to move. There is a melody that sticks in your head for hours, if not longer, after the party. There is a bridge that makes you want to freak yourself and, still, you know exactly what is going to happen after that bridge. It is both a piece that a DJ can properly mix into the set and a song that a radio programmer can punch into the computerized playlist.
The third problem is live performance. I realized this a few years ago when, after playing "House of Jealous Lovers" at every gig for months on end, I finally saw the Rapture live and realized how completely boring the band was inside the El Rey. It was as if every piece of magic on that single was the result of the producer. This is not always the case, however, as bands like Out Hud and !!! are every bit as intense about the party onstage as they are on album. More often than not, though, the shows are a huge let down. This, I suppose, refers to the Kapranos statement and the lesson therein: don't focus on the technology, focus on the structure.
Admittedly, I am no expert on music. I have never even attempted to learn an instrument (mostly due to intimidation and the knowledge that I would drive myself crazy in an attempt to make my guitar sound like Johnny Marr's). My voice sounds like a death grunt and, while I can beatmatch well enough to get through a club set without causing everyone to run for the door, I'm not a producer. I'm just a person who has been obsessed with music ever since I fell for Duran Duran back in pre-school and has, over the years, acquired some sense of what works and what does not.

"I'm just a boy with a new haircut/And it's a very nice haircut"

-- Pavement

Somebody, somewhere by the name of Demonbaby has compiled the most horrific 'dos found on My Space. Thanks to B. Monsoon and Juan Juan for passing this around the friend list.

This is from Chris & Cosey, sorry, I mean Carter Tutti's mailing list:

"Chris Carter and Cosey Fanni Tutti's other band Throbbing Gristle will be playing two exclusive performances at the Volksbuehne, Berlin on December 31st 2005 and January 1st 2006. The first concert will be performed in Quad sound, the second performance will be a new live improvised soundtrack to Derek Jarman's 'In The Shadow of The Sun'.
On the 29th of December there will be the world premier of TG's 'Live at The Astoria, London' concert film followed by an 'in conversation' with all members of Throbbing Gristle.
On the 30th December a major retrospective Throbbing Gristle/Industrial Records Art exhibition titled: 'INDUSTRIAL ANNUAL REPORT' opens at the Kunstwerke Gallery, Berlin."

Throbbing Gristle is also set to release its first live studio album in twenty-five years. Part 2 will go on sale on 12/31/05 at the Volksbuehne in Berlin. Maybe someone will think to stick a few in some LA record stores.

T. Raumschmiere is scheduled to bring in the new year with TG, as well as Justus Kohnke and more to be announced.

Attention LA-area industrialites,

Front 242 is playing a special Das Bunker-presented show tomorrow night at Avalon.

According to Das Bunker's email, the Belgian EBM duo is playing in support of its new DVD, Catch the Man.

Supporting artists for this party include The Operative, aka Das Bunker DJ Shane Telada, whose other credits include STG and Element (Do you know all the words to "I'm a Teenage Gothic from Helter Skelter?") and Grey Area.

Doors open at 8:00 p.m. Cover is $22 presale, $25 on the day of the show.

Check out this article on Mod featuring local spinner of 45s Reina La Reine.

(All stories are found on www.latimes.com You may have to register to read some of the stories, but it's free.)

• Grokster heads to the Darkside after Supreme Court defeat, which probably doesn't matter since everyone uses BitTorrent now.
• Chechnya learns how to rock.
• Jimmy Iovine learns that it's not the music that matters.
• Rolling Stones bring its oldies review to Los Angeles. Robert Hilburn ponders what happened to the new stuff. I wonder what difference does it make, since the latest single sounds like "Brown Sugar" with new lyrics.

Have you ever stuck your foot into your mouth only to later mutter, "Now I know how Joan of Arc felt?" Have you ever stopped yourself from uttering this phrase for fear that you might start singing "As the flames rose to her Roman nose and her Walkman started to melt?" If the answer is yes, dear reader, know that you are not alone. Balthazar Monsoon, Mike Waterlaso and I put together our favorite Smiths quotes, which are posted below. We humbly request that you add your own favorite lines in the comments section. Please keep this Smiths-related only. We'll post Morrissey lyrics sometime in the near future.

"Scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen/This means you really love me."-- "Rusholme Ruffians"

"Under the iron bridge we kissed/ And although I ended up with sore lips/ It just wasn't like the old days anymore/ It wasn't like those days/ Am I still ill?"-- "Still Ill"

"Punctured bicycle/ On a hillside desolate/ Will nature make a man of me yet/ When in this charming car/ This charming man/ Why pamper life's complexity/ When the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat"
-- "This Charming Man"

"All the lies that you make up/What's at the back of your mind?/Oh, your face I can see and it's desperately kind/But what's at the back of your mind?/Two icy-cold hands conducting the way/ It's the Eskimo blood in my veins/ Amid concrete and clay and general decay nature must still find a way/ So ignore all the codes of the day/Let your juvenile influences sway/ This way and that way this way that way/ God, how sex implores you to let yourself lose yourself"
-- "Stretch Out and Wait"

"What she asked of me at the end of the day/ Caligula would have blushed/ You've been in the house too long she said/ And I naturally fled"-- "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now"

"A tough kid who sometimes swallows nails/Raised on prisoner's aid/He killed a policeman when he was thirteen/And somehow that really impressed me/It's written all over my face"-- "I Want the One I Can't Have"

"Sometimes I feel more fulfilled/Making Christmas cards/ For the mentally ill" -- "Frankly, Mr. Shankly"

"Yes, you're older now/And you're a clever swine" -- "Rubber Ring"

"You say : "'Ere thrice the sun done salutation to the dawn" /And you claim these words as your own/ But I've read well/ And I've heard them said/ A hundred times (maybe less, maybe more)/ If you must write prose/poems/ The words you use should be your own/ Don't plagiarise or take "on loan"/ 'Cause there's always someone, somewhere/ With a big nose, who knows/ And who trips you up and laughs/ When you fall/ Who'll trip you up and laugh/ When you fall " -- "Cemetry Gates"

"He's not strange/ He just wants to live his life this way"-- "Vicar in a Tutu"

"I smoke because I'm hoping for an early death/And I need to cling to something"-- "What She Said"

"I want to live and I want to love/I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of"-- "Frankly, Mr. Shankly"

"And if a ten-ton truck/Kills the both of us/To die by your side/Well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine"-- "There is a Light That Never Goes Out"

"I said Charles don't you ever crave/To appear on the front of the Daily Mail/Dressed in your mother's bridal veil"-- "The Queen is Dead"

"Boot the grime of this world in the crotch, dear"-- "Sheila Take a Bow"

"I thought that if you had an acoustic guitar/It meant that you were/A protest singer"-- "Shakespeare's Sister"

"I wear black on the outside/'Cause black is how I feel/On the inside" -- "Unlovable"

"I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday/Because you're evil/And you lie/And if you should die/I may feel slightly sad/But I won't cry"-- "Unhappy Birthday"

"And the pain was enough/To make a shy, bald Bhuddist reflect/ And plan a mass murder"-- "Stop Me if You Think You've Heard This One Before"

"Sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking when/ I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed"-- "Bigmouth Strikes Again"

"So, in my bedroom in those 'ugly new houses'/I danced my legs down to the knees/But me and my 'true love'/Will never meet again ..."-- "Paint a Vulgar Picture"


We suggest checking this site for more information on the Smiths, including lyrics.

From Tea with the Gentlemen

Tea with The Gentlemen: Plastic Icon As heard on (DJ Vila Restal's)
www.GLPRADIO.COM show (liberator radio ) Mon-Fri 3 till 8pm (PST)
We will debut on Sunday, November 6 at 11:30pm EST (8:30pm PST) British Time (4:30am) on Q'zine: a queer arts and culture magazine(DJ Robert Drake's show) be heard on:
88.5fm WXPN-Philadelphia PA
88.1fm WXPH-Harrisburg, PA
104.9fm WXPN-Lehigh Valley, PA
90.5fm WKHS-Worton/Baltimore, MD
Live worldwide: http://xpn.org http://xpn.org/qzine
So please tune in, call em up, email them and say you enjoy Tea with The Gentlemen's emotive electronical musings and would adore to hear it once more. We do hope we are not asking to much of you all...